Sunday, May 4, 2014
Ok I'm kind of lost in my head and my thoughts as I'm writing this, lol, while still trying to make clear what i'm thinking/meaning to communicate, so just bear with me as I'm attempting to map out my thoughts lmao (what am I saying??)
I'm just saying, I guess, that I think it's cool as shit that young people like the aforementioned can embrace their creativity and possible outcast-like characteristics, and come through and change culture, or like idk have influence over their generation and such. Even though society, or even just certain people--maybe even yourself--can be so negative, can limit your goals, can bring down your confidence and imagination and ambitions and just idk your whole persona.
I said this before, but when I was younger(11 or 12 yrs old to be exact), I really wanted be a popular blogger (or at least have some kind of small following) and actually, Tavi was a real inspiration in that aspiration ('lol'iration). She was this off-beat, peculiar 12 yr old kid at the same time I was, and she had a popular fashion blog and, I wanted to be corky and as seemingly self-assured as she was.
But then growing up happened and you know, you try to fit in as much as you can while still keeping your identity. So both a) trying to fit within socially acceptable norms and b) developing and maintaining one's own individuality, morphed together and became a part of who I am today (or so I think?).
These past few years, I've acquired these confidence issues where I'm always doubting myself, degrading myself for not being as skilled in certain things as so-and-so or whoever. I'm always looking up to others, and wishing to be more like them, but rarely ever content with myself. Idk where these issues came from..part society, part parents, part maybe personal laziness (??). Let me explain. Negative thinking really gets to me, and myself and other people saying things like "you can't do that, that's impossible!" or "the likelihood is very small, and ya you definitely won't be able to do that" or "no you wouldnt be good at that" or "thats weird, nobody does that" and just all this putting down and filling with doubt really convinced that all these beliefs are true. And then I use all these beliefs as excuses for why I don't even try to achieve things of my own--excuses that in actuality mask my laziness to not try to achieve things. Its just easier to sit around and be a lazy teenager, just going about the small (though still equally important) things like doing homework and focusing on school and friends and other aspects of life.
So what I'm getting at is that I really commend and truly admire those who have fought off this negative, closed-box thinking; their laziness; accepting their unconventional-ness and embracing it. Them standing their ground instead of being wishy-washy in what they believe in, and basically forcing the world to celebrate them through sheer creativity, talent, and perseverance is so fucking wonderful and I love it and okIthinkI'vesaidenough,bye.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
One of my favourite songs off his album. Enjoy!
P.S. really wish I could get back into this blogging thing. Missing it maaaang ..takes forever to make an interesting post tho, ain't nobody got time for that!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
All my friends are going off to places 2-5, even 7.5 hours away and I’m gonna miss them :’( Seriously I just got teary-eyed.. aw fck. I don’t even hang out with my friends that much in the summer, like I see yall bout 2/3 times a month, but I still love yall YAHM MEAN. I’m not the type of person to go out all the time and just be social 24/7, but I mean, in high school, that’s when I see these people every day, and it kind of makes me sad to know we wont get to be together like that anymore. Even with people that I’m not as close with as before or with those that I didn’t really click with..like we had some good times and I still enjoyed your presence in ma life. Just the whole small-town/sheltered-highschool community and vibe… I’m gonna miss that. So to everyone at our caf table and that other caf table that i-dont-know-how-to-describe-on-here: I’m gonna miss you all. Hope your summer was great. Hope you all have a wonderful time at your choice of post-secondary lifestlye. Wish you all the best! Ciao 4 nao
Friday, September 14, 2012
Lupe raps about the concept of a 'bad bitch', and the distorted values of today's society. It's really interesting , the song and video; I was jamming to it, and was still intrigued the whole time, so check it out belo0o0w
It's funny how today, people talk in like, contradictory compliments. I wonder how that caught on. Like, the farthest I can think back to is when people said "sick" meaning 'cool'. Or now theres "you killed it, murdered that, this person is ill," and i don't even know where "tight" came from or how that even makes sense lol.
Oh and here's the behind the scenes/backstage footage:
[EDIT: This song/video isn't brand new, I just didn't know about it till now hahah]
The night before, err--yesterday night lol, I got home and was like "Okay, I've got all night to study math and bio..lets go!!" BUT I was so tired I could barely stay awake and so I took a nap (smh) and kept napping for four hours, aghh. I woke up around 8:00 pm, took a shower, and then started studying around 8:30. Include dinner and gathering the house trash for trash day the next day (which was today..if you still follow me), then fell asleep again by midnight. Woke up around 3:00-3:10 and got to work again until I had to get ready for school (6:45), and then left the house (7:25). I studied as much as I could on the bus, and tried to sneak some review in in first period.. but the point is that my study habits kind of really suck. I just cant find myself making any progress at any time. What's the solution to this??
If I work right when I get home, I get distracted because subconsciously I think, 'oh I have so much time', that I dont get any work done really. Maybe like half a question. If I start around 5:00 or 6:00, same thing. How do you focus?!?! Guh, I find myself cramming in my homework at the worst times: midnight and later -_- it aint right yo.
Anyways, so turns out I studied the wrong material for the adv.functions test. I dont even want to face my teacher on monday, thats how bad it was. And then there was bio lol, thats not even worth mentioning ok.
I just can't seem to get it right. I would say I'm gonna try harder to work at it, but I usually don't do the things i plan on doing. At least I don't do them well, if I do end up doing them :S It's like an inner rebellion against all the advice people give me on this, as well as the goals I make for myself. fieifkdgjk /wahh.
Okay whatever. idunno. If I were to describe myself with one word as of late, it would be inconsistent.
Yaa. I guess thats all I have to say. Happy friday still!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
This past hour hit me with something. A realization, if you will.
Maybe it's the over-thinking talking, or maybe I'm just facing the normal teenage terror question: "Who am I?". Actually, I shouldn't label this question as a teenager thing, but rather a universal wondering that is faced at all ages.
Damn I sound smart. I didn't notice until now the eloquent half moon goin on outside in the sky. Floating, hovering, shining bright & beautifully. It's fucking marvelous. --And yes, I had to add in the F word in there, because that literally is what the moon looks like right now.
Anyways, back to the topic, I was reading through the February 2009 posts on hurr, and maan was I ever witty! Like, I was actually decent at blogging. I don't know about now--I think I've lost almost all credibility when the Pod turned into like--diary entries, and venting; this included. /The moon's hiding.
So basically just the simple act of reading and reminiscing (RR), that somehow catapulted me into thinking, that I've lost myself. Or have I just changed? I mean, a year or two ago, I was 10 pounds lighter, had blunt bangs & a center part, wore no makeup, and had my own individual style. I had passions. Photoshop, photography, web design, reading, blogging, snowboarding, making musc, film, fashion, dance... and now? Now, those passions are merely interests. It's--sad. Where did my passions dissolve away too, huh? Like, what haaappened to me.
I remember, when I had small little dreams of becoming a music/fashion/personal (basically mixed media) blog with an audience of hundreds. Hahaaah, I had like one follower at the time and it was my sister. Or when I would learn all the kpop dances & me/tiff/sham actually got up off our lazy asses and did a dance for Youth4Youth and it was definitely one of the best experiences of the year. You see.. remarkable things like that. Where did they go maayyn! Like shit, I used to make films. Well, short little videos for assignments at school, but one summer me&erin made a Lady Gaga music video.. I never edited it though, but I still have the raw footage. I wanted to start a Youtube channel with my friends, and it would've documented our average daily lives. Or when I took up learning piano and I almost played at my Gr.8 graduation ceremony, but then realized I sucked. But it was okay. I was ambitious. I saved about $200 to buy a DSLR camera a few years ago.. never happened, but y'know.. I tried. I actually made pretty sick banners & edits on Photoshop and shit. Idunnooo. I mean, who's to say I can't still do those things, right? I think I might have to take up all those things again. But what sucks is that when I say I'm gonna do something.. I usually end up not doing it. Hmmph.
So how did I get here then..? I have always been a lazy person, but probably what happened is just that lazy blob pulled me under its wing, and the rest took care of itself from there. I'm so tumblr-influenced, and waahh kind of lost my individuality in there.
Then again, maybe I'm not worsening, I'm just uhh, evolving. I'm just more hiphop and less hipster. I listen to a lot of rap, and I dress kind of street-influenced. I know more about dance styles, and I do crosswords now.
...Actually, it's pretty hard to think of the positve aspects in this situation. I don't really like this new me as much. Don't get me wrong--I think my personality has stayed relatively the same, but my attitude is completely different.. I should get to steppin all of this. :)
Peace, fellow Zoot Podders <3
2011: I don't wanna make empty promises here, but, I think I'm back :D